It has been an incredibly trying first week for this new mum. Now I understand what people mean by post-natal blues...

For the past few days, I have been breaking out in tears for no reason at all. I think it is due to an overall sense of helplessness, especially when we're so used to being in control and perfectionistic. Suddenly I did not know how to cope with the baby, even though I have a confinement nanny to help out.

Many factors. One is of course, having to adjust to having the nanny around 24/7. She is afterall a stranger, and it was tough letting her spend so much 'quality time' with my baby. I wanted to do everything myself, scared that he would bond with her instead of me. But it was senseless doubt... after this first month I will have all the time in the world to bond with my son.

Hubby has been extremely important in this process. He has been wonderful and supportive, talking me through my thought processes and reminding me that this phase will pass. Yes, I have to keep reminding myself to take one day at a time, and that I'll get better at this new job as a Mummy.

And the stitches!!! Stupid stitches are giving me so much pain that they're distracting me from my job at hand --- the baby. Discussed with Hubby and realised that the key to getting over my blues is to return to my old routine asap. But that's difficult when I can't sit on the floor in front of the telly as usual, and spend the whole day on the laptop. Damn stitches are making me sit on a swimming float now as I type.

I realise that having fellow-Mummies around can be a god-send. Friends have given me advice and support on breastfeeding issues, encouraging and reassuring me that it will get better. Which is very very important. For the past few days I had been worrying over not having enough milk for the baby, especially when he becomes frantic from hunger. Makes one feel really inadequate :(

But as the nanny says, stressing myself will only make the problem worse. So now I'm trying to relax as much as I can, though I still have lots of leeway for improvement. Also have to get used to waking up in the middle of the night to pump out my milk so that I won't explode or clog up. ARGHHHHHHHHH!!!!! *deep breathing*

Let's see how it goes from here.

Labels: I'm A Mummy