I'm blogging so much about work today, guess cos I need to unload (or upload haha) my resentments so I can let go. Hubby is complaining again that I'm letting work get to me, and that the negative vibes permeates our daily life. Just listening to my complaints at the end of the day makes him feel stressed as well. So here goes...gripe, gripe, gripe...then ahhhhhhhhhhhh~~ let go.

My appraisal yesterday went surprisingly well, and I got a B or "Very Good" grading, which is kind of above average. But somehow I am skeptical that it is based on my performance. Although I fully believe that I deserve it for my hard work, my boss is not one to be easily satisfied. No one is ever good enough for her, and every little mistake wipes out your previous achievements.

She most probably gave me a good grade to placate me and psycho me to renew my contract. It was also a bit hair-standing, the number of times she touched me on my arm during our meetings yesterday. Ah, all in the name of 'appreciating the staff'.

Well, it's too late. As a colleague reminded me, don't be taken in by her too-intentional gestures. I wouldn't, as some of the things she said to persuade me to stay drove me the other way instead.

I negotiated for a higher pay. Without even bothering to discuss with HR, she said that she doesn't think it'll happen, and 'anyway', there will be a pay adjustment for all ministries next year. Hey, she only got $750 in her first job. BTW, how much am I getting now, $1,700? OKAAAAAY. (That's like almost $1K less; so obviously she has no sense of her staff's market worth).

Then she said that money is not important. Hell, it isn't even important to get promoted. Just as long as we enjoy our work. Well, sorry, I don't. Not anymore. And hello, it IS so important to earn what you deserve, and go where you want to go. Then she told me that it's important to strike a balance between money, and our family life and mental well-being. ??!!! Hello, here we have none of the 3, that's precisely why everyone wants to leave. Seriously delusional.

I suspect she has become complacent because of her new hires recently --- two very steady workers. But hey, you're losing two very good people as well (yes, another colleague is also not renewing her contract). It disappoints me that she feels we are so easily replaceable.

But I tell myself not to bother, for why let my emotions be affected by this person whom I want to wipe out from my life? I just feel very sad that our very close group of colleagues are forced to spilt up because of this bad manager. We can achieve so much, and create such a dynamic department, if we hang on together :(

Labels: Concrete Jungle