I was having lunch with my usual kakis this afternoon and shared with them about an 'internal client' from another department. This colleague is of the same hierarchy as me, but has a higher profile and hence, ego. She had sent me an empty email, save for the subject "project status update". How rude is that? She expected me to grovel and report back to her just like that?

So there I was complaining and getting angrier, when one of my lunch kakis commented "Maybe she was just in a hurry". That stopped me in my tracks and made me think. Ok, so what if she was in a hurry. That doesn't excuse her from basic courtesy or email etiquette.

This lunch kaki went on to share that her own experiences with this colleague was fine, and that she didn't seem like the type of person I think she is. Yet, I recall other colleagues sharing with me their own unhappy incidents with her. So who should I believe?

A few hours later I chanced upon and did an online personality test. One of the questions was whether I believe "most people have good intentions". It jolted my memory, that I didn't use to be so cynical and negative. I really did use to see the best in people.

I think after starting on this job, I've been the most negative person ever in my entire life. I start to suspect that people are out to manipulate and stab me in the back, so I become defensive and resentful. I'm also unable to cultivate good ties with my 'internal clients' as I wonder if my friendliness will become 'softness' and a weakness they can exploit. If they are nice to me, I wonder what favour they plan to ask from me, or what act they are plotting.

Is this part of growing up and 'adapting' to the rat race? Have I been permanently damaged, or do I simply need a change of job, to surround myself with the people and environment that brings out the best in me? Is there such a job?

Labels: Concrete Jungle