I don't know what came over me.

The past Sunday night I was sitting at my pc, half brain-dead and doing office work from 9pm-1am. Office work!!! And that is after I've decided to start becoming bochup as I intend to quit my job anyway. Why did I invest so much effort and hope on a piece of work which I know will come back totally mutilated?

Is it a bane or a boon to have a sense of responsibility, to have integrity in my own work, even at such a juncture? I can make life easier for myself by not caring. After all I wouldn't need to deal with the aftermath of it. But I just feel uneasy knowing that someone else might need to clean up my shit if I don't do things properly now. Most probably colleagues that I like.

Was talking to one of my colleagues. Well, the correct word should be 'popping', as we were chatting via the office system. Found the perfect metaphor for the frustration we feel in this job.

It's like after a lot of IVT tries, you finally conceive a baby. You carry it for the 1st trimester, giving it lots of nutrition, love and Mozart symphonies. Then in the 2nd trimester you get abducted by aliens, who take the foetus from your womb and inject it with weird chemicals. The foetus is inserted back into your body so you have no choice but to carry it to fruition, no matter how uncomfortable it feels growing inside you. You endure 47,364,236,349,058,891 tortuous hours of labour to get it out. But when the baby finally sees the light, it's a mutated freak which you feel enstranged from and no longer have any love for. Yet you have to take responsibility for all the problems with it.

And I missed my favourite cable shows! Totally forgot about my usual Sunday night TV marathon! My 星光大道 Taiwan singing competition (even though I've watched the later episodes on YouTube), and ANTM Season 4 (argh I missed this week's bitchy showdown!) after that. And to think I specially added Channel 56 so I can catch the competition. Damn damn damn. I was waiting for this week's make-over of the contestants :(

Sometimes I wish I can be more irresponsible.

Labels: Concrete Jungle