They can dream big, because they have about 10 years to go before they reach my age, and the responsibilities that the age brings. At my age, you have to think about how your actions impact on the people around you. Mainly your parents. They would be ageing and preparing for retirement, waiting to finally relax and reap the rewards of bringing up pesky and tiresome children (us lah). It would be selfish to ignore that and continue to chase our dreams, leaving them to worry about the stability of our income and hence their future upkeep. And god forbid if they fall sick and need huge amounts of money for treatment.

In terms of BGR, the clock is not only ticking at 30 years old, but the cuckoo bird pops out to chime so often I feel like pulling it out of its home and squashing it. I don't especially feel like settling down now, but looking from a broad perspective, it's sooner or later, and I don't appreciate this huge 'deadline' looming over my head. No point postponing it indefinitely. That'll also be unfair to my other half who has been patiently waiting. Maybe I'm procrastinating because getting married would herald in a new stage in my life, and I would *gasp* be considered an adult i.e. old!

With plans to settle down, comes issues on money, money and more money. Money to buy our own HDB flat, money for renovating it into my ideal retro-themed home, money for the wedding and art-director-worthy photo shoot, and a proper designer celebration with friends and family.

Pray tell, how shall I marry (pun intended haha) these pragmatic concerns with my passion for design? I don't have the luxury of another 10 years, to devote to experimenting with design, learning the trade and slowly working up the ladder to a practical salary.

Having to choose between chasing my dreams while living with worries, and settling for a more stable life that will give me peace of mind to indulge in design as a hobby, I chose the latter. So here I am. Although this dilemma still surfaces in my consciousness every single day, I've learnt to deal with it using logic.

Only after giving up my old job, did I realise how well it combines my passion and practical needs. This is something that I can do well and for a long time. If I keep myself mindful, take pride in it, and not let it degenerate into 'just a job' to simply go through the motions, it can be a good way to apply my design aesthetics. Coupled with freelance and volunteer design work, I will keep my passion for design alive. Meanwhile, I shall continue to test and push the boundaries of corporate rules here and try not to lose myself in the rat race.

Dear NAFA friends, if you see me getting lost, please feel free to slap me silly to wake up my idea. I'm gunning to get my old job back while temping at the next-door department. Wish me luck!

Labels: Designing My Future