6:03 pm Monday, August 21, 2006
What price freedom? (上)
Ahhh... the sweet smell of freedom. Boss and his no.2 are both out of office today. What a rare breather for colleagues who are forced to spend every working moment with them breathing down their necks. Office politics are really complicated. I wonder who invented them and what for. It's always a lose-lose situation whichever way you look at it. Even if you suceed in climbing up, you lose your honour and others' trust in you. And it's sad if you actually plan to extend your friendship to someone, but then they turn around and crap on you instead.
Reminds me of the reason why I quit my job in the first place. Not that I was subject to a lot of ill-treatment. It was more of looking around and suddenly realising that I had placed myself in this man-made environment, driving paperwork half the time and missing out on 'real' things like nature and proper contact with other human beings. And for what? Money that makes the world go round. I felt that existence should have more meaning. So I left to pursue it.
The first months of immersing myself in NAFA, I dyed my hair bright orange in a silly attempt to blend in with the cool arty farty youths. (No, I'm not putting up the pic.) I almost succeeded in passing myself off as their peer until we had to submit I/C numbers for some admin thingy. Doh!
I liked the freedom that I had. I could do anything to myself to stamp my mark of individuality. I could have 16 ear-piercings and a full-body tattoo and no one had the right to say anything. Of course I didn't lah. My point is, I could assert my personality more, I could be myself without worrying about consequences.
Although the motivation behind dyeing my hair was to fit in better (the same reason why I got 2 more ear-piercings in JC), I was actually quite comfortable with it. I felt that I had thrown caution to the wind and it marked my decision to open my heart and mind to more experiences. It was like a license that gave me the 'right' to be arty farty. (Which is quite sad, cos why do we need a reason?)
Indeed I think the greatest gift these 3 years at NAFA has given me, is the guts to be adventurous and enjoy life, to find humour and fun in little things every day. To dare to be yourself, and to be open to different types of people, and not be so judgemental.
This I conclude after spending hours and hours with youths 9 years younger than me, who taught me to "Relak lah!" and to dare to experiment with your creativity and express yourself. And classmates from China who proved to me that stereotypes are just that, stereotypes. I have made China friends who are so decent they make some Singaporeans pale in comparison. (Of course there are the not-so-decent types, but I'm sure it's a result of culture and background, so can we really blame them?) Not to mention people from Brunei, Indonesia, Philippines. (Yes Francis, I categorize you under Philippines, not your beloved Hong Kong haha.) And a really cool Scottish ex-policeman.
So I guess I achieved the aim I was after: to unwind and make myself less uptight and prudish. To step out from my sheltered air-con office and get a better feel of real society. I am proud to say I am now able to let down my inhibitions and be an idiot in public, without worrying about what other people think -__-"
Labels: Designing My Future
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